I had an interesting conversation the other day about concepts of time, abstract time, internet time, time and writing, how writing takes time.
I managed to get the day off today for some guilt free “me” time. I find that the only time I can have guilt free “me” time is when hubby is looking after the baby.
Since the last time I blogged, I made some changes to my schedule, wardrobe and am in the process of making changes in my kitchen. I spend most of my days at home in that space, so I may as well have a nice space. I have fantasies of having a white modern kitchen with stone bench tops and a kitchen bench workspace.
[sorry stole this from someone elses wordpress file]
It may take some time to make this a reality as tradesmen in this area are so busy and I’m not up for a DIY job. A dishwasher is also part of this fantasy. I spend way too many hours in a week washing dishes.
I dropped a day of work and will drop that final day of work next semester. I’m finding it really difficult switching from mommy-me, to work-me, to uni-me, to wifey-me, to play group-me, dutiful daughter-me etc…..sure I could just be me, but I’m afraid there is not a one-size fits all me at this point. Which is why I really need to streamline my daily activities.
I’m blogging from the library where I just picked up a pamphlet on mental health. It’s mental health week…According to this pamphlet in order to stay balanced once must:
Relax, talk, get involved, see friends, keep active, learn new skills, eat well and organize your time.
I do not do the last one well. I probably will have to make the most of the ical on this mac. I also need to find some more relaxation time and see friends. Thank god for facebook or else I’d have lost touch with a lot of people. I think I’m doing okay in the other areas though I have to admit I have been feeling a bit unbalanced lately because I’ve not been eating well.
Thankfully, I’ve discovered the PItango range at Coles. Pre-packaged organic meals. I wish there was a local range because I’m a bit xenophobic when it comes to imported foods. Still, I guess NZ is just across the ditch.
Found this interesting blog article by Justine Larbalestier on white privilege in publishing. It’s something that’s at the back of my mind as I plod along with my writing. I feel a bit discouraged by what she said about agents only taken on one writer of colour (token writer). There’s the argument that the more the merrier because then you have context for your writing. i.e. the fact that there are now PoC writing and getting published means that I don’t have to go back to the basics when writing about PoC – i.e. spelling everything out in black and white. I didn’t go out of my way to write about being Asian. In fact I hate the descriptor “Asian” because it lumps me into a category with people I have very little in common with. For me, it’s more of a physical descriptor – i.e. the way hubby would be described as “white”. After MJ died, I thought about how crap his music was in the later years as he tried to beat “thriller” and achieve higher record sales. I really liked “Off the Wall” and remembered what MJ being so sad that he only won the one Grammy because it was not a mainstream (white) album. So I just started writing something that was a bit closer to home. Now I’m thinking, I haven’t really written something that falls into the “third world home” – sad/bad/oppressed “first world home” – good/freedom narrative. In fact, it’s more of a “shit happens” type of narrative. Anyway, I’m rambling here – after reading Justine’s post I don’t feel very confident at all about finding a home for any of the stories except in “multicultural” specials. This article on the marketing of AA fiction was interesting.
So I’m moving onto my next project, a longer project I started a year back. A YA novel – which is how I ended up reading blogs by YA authors – and now that question creeps in again. Do I whitewash it? Can a PoC write about a PoC without getting into discussions on cultural identity?
I read Rey Chow recently. Ethics after Idealism. In her essay “The Facist Longing in Our Midst” she writes about “The Story of O” – not the French BDSM slave, but the token third world looking but middle class academic who fudges her way through an academic career by appealing to fetishists. I sometimes get so sick of looking at identity politics, cultural studies, race etc…but I can’t seem to avoid it. Chow’s work is the closest I’ve come to finding answers for my own questions. The problem with a lot of the previous theorists is that they write in a very different context to the one I’m interrogating. Let’s face it, I could have been O had I not given up on my Honours project.
At the same time, because of my complex background, aristocratic ancestors marrying povo ones, educated ones mingling with uneducated ones, slaves, landlords and the fact they were all sojourners, I can identify with both O and the third world she pretends to be part of.
I love Spring.
I really want to go outside and cycle around the coast but hubby is not in the mood.
Seems too nice a day to be locked up with my own thoughts and books.
Am feeling slightly neurotic but supervisor 2 said it comes with the territory. Welcome to the club.
