I’m calmer now. Have had a chat to a few friends about this from different cultural backgrounds – though all Australians.
I think another factor in this is the fact I am not just Asian – but a Chinese-Asian.
I’m not that connected with my Chinese heritage and I don’t know much about the history of Chinese throughout the world. But it seems to be that people think there are too many of us and feel really threatened. I overheard a student say that there were too many Chinese people. I mean how the fuck am I supposed to react?
Especially when they’re adults.
It’s weird because up until I took this job, I had stopped thinking in terms of race. After I had my son, I realised that it wasn’t that important – until this friggin’ job where my identity is questioned every time I step into the classroom. Sure I have a couple of cool classes – but I’m wondering whether it’s good for my sanity to teach new migrants. I have a friend who does this job and he pretends he’s not Chinese. He’s more of an Anglo-phile than I am because he’s more Chinese than I am.
I’m so Westernized that I’m have a longing to be more Eastern.
Also, most people who teach ESL and are ethnic are Anglo-philes. I just fell into it.
I am very proud of my cultural heritage and the fact I worked very hard to learn how to speak/read/write Chinese. Why the fuck should I hide this when our PM is a Chinese speaker?
Yeah sure in the countries where some of the students are from, they see Chinese people as the wealthy oppressors taking over their countries. I remember a friend talking about how the Chinese are the Jews of South East Asia. Great.
So now I have to take on that burden as well.
Then on the other hand, you throw in people who come from countries where the only Asian female they’ve seen is in porn films.
Great.
I know someone who loves this job because they get to break stereotypes and they’re full of energy, buzzing that they get to help change perceptions.
I’m also sick of self-hating Chinese people.
It’s a job where you have to deal with questions of race and identity.
At the end of the day – if I stay in this job, I’m going to end up prejudiced against certain groups of people.
How odd to think that I’ve felt most like myself in Australia when I was living in a country town.
I’ve switched classes and I like them enough to spend my weekend preparing for them.
I have colleagues who can retire but love the job so much that they will stay on until they can’t. Me? It’s a job. If I won the lottery, I would go and volunteer for a community organization as my “need to get out into the world” activity.
Thank god these days there are books, websites, bulletin boards about such issues. At least my reactions are validated.
Ignorance is so infuriating.
The reason I’m not a racist is because it was drilled into me at school that racism is not acceptable in Australia. So even though it took place, I knew that they were in the wrong.
Then something happened – then it was okay to be intolerant.
It’s the feeling of being under siege in your own home. It’s very unsettling.
